Wednesday, June 24, 2020

Hope

Last night some friends and I were talking about just how bad our world currently is.  It's awful.  This morning, the lyrics to this song came to mind.  It's "Is He Worthy" by Chris Tomlin

Verse 1:
Do you feel the world is broken?  We do.
Do you feel the shadows deepen?  We do.
Do you know the all the dark won't stop the light from getting through? We do.
Do you wish that you could see it all made new?  We do.

Verse 2:
Is all all creation groaning?  It is.
Is a new creation coming?  It is.
Is the glory of the Lord to be the light within our midst?  It is.
Is it good that we remind ourselves of this?  It is.

Chorus:
Is anyone worthy?
Is anyone whole?
Is anyone able to break the seal and open the scroll?
The lion of Judah, who conquered the grave, 
He is David's root and the lamb who died to ransom the slave.  

Is He worthy?
Is He worthy of all blessing and honor and glory?
Is He worthy of this?
He is.

Verse 3:
Does the Father truly love us?  He does.
Does the Spirit move among us?  He does.
And does Jesus, our Messiah, hold forever those He loves?  He does.
Does our God intend to dwell again with us?  He does.

Chorus:
Is anyone worthy?
Is anyone whole?
Is anyone able to break the seal and open the scroll?
The lion of Judah, who conquered the grave, 
He is David's root and the lamb who died to ransom the slave.  
 
Bridge:
From every people and tribe, every nation and tongue
He has made us a kingdom of priests and guides to reign with the Son
Is He worthy?
Is He worthy of all blessing and honor and glory?
Is He worthy?
Is He worthy?
Is He worthy of this?
He is
He is

Is He worthy?
Is He worthy?
He is
He is

He is worthy,
He is worthy,
He is.

-----------
Amen.

Saturday, May 30, 2020

Good-bye cello

I grew up in a family that valued music, specifically playing the piano.  At age 4 I began lessons and continued through college.

My grandmother had been a piano teacher and my parents had both taken piano lessons as children but not taken lessons long enough to really be able to play.  They both regretted quitting and were determined their own kids wouldn't make that decision.

My brother, 2 years older, was very good at piano.  He had long fingers and a natural way with the keys.  I'm short and have small hands.  I'm not so naturally gifted.  However, I learned to love the piano and I never asked to quit lessons.  As an adult I still play the piano regularly.  My brother hated practicing and quit in middle school.

Growing up I went to a huge high school where there were lots of opportunities but you had to be very good to make any teams.  I chose to join the choir and had lots of great experiences performing and doing fun things.  I was also active in the theater department.  I was in musicals and competed in acting and debate competitions.  However, if I could turn back time I would have joined the orchestra or band.

My husband went to a smaller school and had different experiences.  He played the trumpet.  Now, he plays the trumpet at church from time to time but as an adult he has picked up and learned to play the tuba.  He loves playing the tuba.  He plays it weekly at church and my boys love that he can help them as they're learning brass instruments.

A few years ago I decided I wanted to learn to play the cello.  I've always loved the sound of the cello.  For my birthday I got a cello from Amazon.  It was the cheapest possible kind and just a little too big for me.  It was very hard to tune and once my husband would tune it the tuning would slip out very quickly.  I could only play when my husband was home and able to take the time to tune it.  Annoying.

I play guitar so my fingertips already had callouses and were accustomed to the feel of frets on a cello.  However, using a bow is hard.  Practicing wasn't enjoyable;  it was work.  

Around this time I also started working part time as a bilingual speech therapy assistant.  The job was very challenging and I just didn't have the margin to also have a hobby that beat me down.  Playing the guitar and piano are fun.  The cello wasn't.  So, I put the cello away for a while.

I got the cello back out last fall only to realize that it had broken inside its case.  My father-in-law fixed it and I was ready to go again.  My husband tuned it and set it out for me to start playing. Accidentally I knocked it over and it completely broke in half.  My husband was disappointed (and I think a little mad that I was so clumsy) but I wasn't.  I moved it and it sat in our bedroom, broken, staring dejectedly at me.

I decided looking at a broken cello is depressing and that it's not the time for me to pick it back up.  I told my husband and he was disappointed but not terribly surprised.  I'm taking on new classes with my job that are demanding a lot of me.  I quickly become grouchy and snappy when I'm under stress.  I need hobbies that are relaxing and enjoyable--not frustrating.

Maybe one day I'll pick the cello back up.  (Not that cello--my father-in-law took it to strip it for parts).  I hope one day I'll "get my mad under control" (I'm pretty sure that phrase came from Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood) and I can have a challenging hobby.  Until then I'm going to enjoy blogging, coloring and playing the piano.  I'll just listen to Yo-Yo Ma and the Piano Guys and making listening to the cello my hobby.

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

Blessings through raindrops


A song that I really like by Laura Story says "what if our blessings come through raindrops, what if our healing comes through tears?"  What a beautiful analogy for right now. Our communities are hurting due to the pandemic.  My youngest son, pictured above, has been the most effected by the pandemic of my family of 5.  

My husband and son B are introverts and have loved not having to go out.  Social distancing is a kind of vacation for them.  Son A has handled it OK but he's missed his friends and social interactions at school and church.  I, the family's strongest extrovert, have had a rough time.  I'm an easy crier and this has brought out lots of emotions.  Added to that the stress of having to move classes online and it's been a doozy of a semester for me.

However, son C has really not been a delight through this.  He's disappointed that he missed out on lots of things:  field day, lots of science lessons, fun with his friends and our 2 church camps this summer.  Through all of this he's mad.  At China.  It's not been fun to be sharing his home.

Well, as a family we've decided to pick up the hobby of disc golf.  I like it because there are no fees to pay, no aggressive behavior and we're outside in the sunshine.  There's a course at a local park and the last time we went son C saw a Blessing Box outside a cafe.  He was impressed that the community places these boxes so that those in need can have food.  Today he brought a can to add.

It is easy to complain about all the things that just aren't quite right as we get back to "normal."  I'm celebrating today that my son took a moment to stop blaming and being mad.  Instead, he took a moment to give to others.  Made my mom heart proud.

Wednesday, May 13, 2020

Nesting

When I think of nesting I think of a pregnant mom.  Weirdly, I have felt the need to "nest" lately and I'm definitely not in that place.

I've accepted that motherhood runs in seasons.  What somehow always surprises me is that I feel sad I feel when I feel the end of a season.  This season of the stay-in-place has been weird.  As a teacher it's been very stressful.  I haven't slept well.  I've worried a lot.  But, I've been challenged to grow and it's made me feel alive.  There was a challenge for me to face and I did.

Now the semester has ended.  I've turned in grades.  And I feel...proud of the hard work I put into my job.  But now as a mom I feel sad.  Sad that my boys are growing up and unsure about what the future might hold for them.  I think I feel like I can finally take a deep breath and take stock of my life beyond work.   Yesterday, instead of analyzing these fears and praying through them, I felt the need to tidy up our home and clean.  Oh well.  The older I get the more I see the need to give grace to everyone--especially myself.

Sunday, May 3, 2020

Looking towards hope

This is going to be a heavy post.  I feel things deeply and sometimes I won't realize something is "simmering" until it comes up to the surface.  When it bubbles up I've learned if I process through it I can release it.

I'm going to process here.  Yesterday a friend of mine and I went on a walk.  It was lovely.  During our walk she shared that a 7th grader in her son's school took his own life recently.  So, so sad.  I don't know any of the specific details so I'm only going to work through my own feelings with this.

A life was cut short.  That makes me sad.  My twins are a year younger than this young man.  That makes me feel afraid.  I grieve for the parents of this young man and those who knew him well.  I grieve for the community and the loss they feel.  I am sad that we live in a world where not all people know they are loved.  (Not a fault statement--just a sad declaration).

This morning I played the piano and sang.  I started crying and I couldn't figure out why.  Because this was simmering.  Music brings me closer to God than anything else.  When death touches my life I turn to songs of my faith.  Hearing their familiar words, feeling their familiar melodies is soothing.  Tears flow.  I release the sadness and am reminded that the circumstances of this world are hard.  This is a broken world.  But there's a promise of hope in Jesus.  That's what joy is.  Joy is looking ahead to the hope and not focusing on the mess right in front of us.

My youngest son feels things very deeply like I do.  He's very upset that the fun parts of summer (2 different kinds of camp through church) have been cancelled.  He's personally angry at China 😳 I'm trying to encourage him to see that even though the fun he had planned on was cancelled we'll still do other things.  He's not impressed with that logic.

My prayer is that he will learn to use his deep feelings for good while also understanding how to look towards hope.

Saturday, May 2, 2020

Shark Tank

I love Shark Tank.  I'm relatively new to it.  I enjoy the celebration of hard work.  People go on Shark Tank and tell their stories.  Their stories remind me that with hard work lots of great things can happen.  I like that the sharks invest money to make more money.  This is the core of our economy.  Cool show.

Friday, May 1, 2020

Subway kindness

I get emails from Subway.  I like Subway so I don't mind too much.  I got an ad telling me that if we bought 2 foot longs 1 would be donated to those in need.

The boys and I went to Subway.  A decided he only wanted a pizza so we didn't have 4 6 inch sandwiches like I had planned.  At the window I asked if I could donate a foot long to needy people.  Her answer made me smile:  for that given time Subway was keeping count of how many foot longs were sold and that was how they knew how many to donate.  Cool.

These are crazy days with the stay in place orders all around.  I can't go to church which just makes me sad.  But there is still good.  Foot long sandwiches are being given away.  Hooray for Subway to restore my faith in humanity.