Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Frosty windshield

I have just a few moments before #3 and I head out to do errands, but in these moments I'm going to collect my thoughts.

As I write, I've given little guy the VBS Oriental Trading Co catalog and he's to mark anything he loves with a sticky note.  He's in hog heaven.

Yesterday I thoroughly enjoyed writing a submission to MOPs about what my mom taught me about beauty, but it left me frazzled.  I'm not a deadline person.  I know women who are, but deadlines stress me out.  Today I'm not feeling rested or relaxed and to be my best for #3, I need to be.

Added to it, today as a part of our errands, we're going by #3's new MDO next year.  I've taken boys to the same MDO since my twins were about 18 months.  They're now 6 1/2.  6 years I've had kids in this program.  I've made the decision for #3 to go to a new program next fall for a few reasons.  The biggest is that with his late birthday, he would be in the program's oldest class again next year.  That was fine for his brothers because they were catching up, but not this guy.  I think a new program would just be good for him--new toys, new expectations, etc.  It's also closer to where I'll be working on the days he's there as well as it starts 30 minutes earlier which will also work better with my schedule.

See, this is a great choice.  So why do I feel sad?  I remember bawling when I first visited our current MDO.  Friends watched the twins when I went to meet the director and I cried before I even spoke.  She was so loving and kind.

We're also taking my completed application for my new job.  We're just dropping it off, but I still feel nervous.  Also I know it's right, but my heart and head are not really agreeing.  Yet.

This morning there was frost on my wind shield.  We were 2 minutes later getting in the car and I had to scrape the window.  It really ticked me off.  At who?  Not sure.  My husband because I remember my dad doing that for me when I lived at home (pesky expectations in marriage!) or at myself for not checking ahead of time.  I think the emotions just needed to boil over.  We made it to school just fine, not even tardy. 

I've learned this year through my bible study of the Old Testament that the Israelites felt like God didn't love them when things were rough.  This missed the point that God loves us always, but we still face adversity.

God is with me today as I'm feeling unsettled.  He was with me when I threw my mental tantrum about the wind shield.  He's here as change is coming my way.  Time to take a deep breath, surrender my desire to control everything and accept His love and support for this day.  And get packed up to do what needs doing, gracefully.

No comments: