Choosing kindness

For Christmas I received a wonderful gift:  the book Wonder by RJ Palacios.  Today I'm going to write about it as well as the follow-up chapter, Julian.  If you haven't read Wonder, here's the spoiler alert:  I will be writing about the whole story.  It's a marvelous read.  I would suggest you go read it and then check back in.  When I write about "Julian" I'll give a spoiler alert for the same reason.

Here we go.  I read Wonder very slowly.  I read little chunks while I sat in my car in the dismissal line at the elementary school.  My youngest son, age 4, sat in the car with me and would ask me about the book I was reading.  It intruiged him because I would cry as I read. 

The protagonist, Auggie, has a facial malformity.  I've never known anyone with the kind of issues Auggie faced, but I have a very sympathetic heart.  It was hard to read about the kinds of challenges Auggie faced as he started school for the first time as a 5th grader.  Kids are mean.  Heck, this world is mean.  Watching the meanness unfold was hard.

As the book goes on, we see different characters.  Some help Auggie and others make his road tougher.  I've always been one to fight for the underdog.  I wanted to jump into the pages of the book and be Auggie's champion.  I loved watching how his parents loved and guided him.  I aspire to be the kind of mom who has the courage to let her children go out into the world and make their way while being a safe place for them to come back home to.

There are books that are nice to read and there are books that make your human experience richer.  Pride and Prejudice, Les Miserables, Redeeming Love and a quirky book called Flies in the Butter make my short list of those books.

Choosing kindness.  The central theme to take away from Wonder is to always choose kindness.  What a beautiful concept.

Julian is the bully of the story.  He made me mad.  I have very little tolerance for bullies.  While I lived in Spain I was working on my Master's degree.  I did a kind of informal student teaching in a small village about an hour outside of Madrid.  While there I saw a form of racism I hadn't previously known about.  At that time, immigration from central and South American countries to Spain was a big problem.  The Spaniards didn't like these newcomers.  A teacher I worked with made no secret of her feelings. 

It was a 2nd grade class and this teacher would tell the children not to hold hands with the child from South America, we'll call her Maria.  I don't even remember the game now, but it had to do with holding hands and walking around in a circle.  I couldn't tolerate this meanness.  I took one of Maria's hands in mine and put myself into the circle with the kids.  The teacher was surprised but Maria was overjoyed.  That moment helped shape my empathy for children on the outside.  As a teacher, I worked hard to not let my biases hold children at bay.  I know I'm not perfect, but I did my best to love all children.

SPOILER ALERT FOR "JULIAN"

After reading Wonder I read the author's pages.  She answered questions.  One was one I had thought of:  why didn't Julian get a turn telling the story?  Her answer was that bullies don't get a voice.  I liked that.  I was surprised when my husband told me he saw an ad for an ebook for Julian's chapter.  When he told me I said he was mistaken--RJ Palacios said she wouldn't give Julian a chapter.  He showed me he was right.  I was mad, but my interest was piqued enough to read it.  I'm so glad I did.

I believe in the core of my being that all people are able to change.  My favorite part of teaching was being on the ground floor as the little people in my care grew into their potential through learning to read, think critically and make choices that made them positive members of our classroom family.

I had thrown in the towel on Julian.  He was a bully.  The kind of kid I pray my boys will never have to deal with.  I had some Julians around while I was growing up.  I remember being put in a trash can when I was a 9th grader by a football player.  Not my favorite memory, but I count myself lucky that I was never a target of mean girls.

Zacchaeus comes to my mind.  He wasn't a cool kid.  He was very unpopular, but Jesus made time for him.  Jesus came for the sick, not the well.  Julian is easy to dislike, but Jesus would make time for him, too.

As I read "Julian," I was afraid we were just going to see that Julian was a victim of a mean mom or something akin to that.  I was thrilled to see how Palacios brought a beautiful sense of closure through Julian's grandmere.  Her experience of experiencing such kindness through a child she had been unkind to really touched me.  Her understanding that true beauty comes from within was such a powerful message.  Seeing Julian feel repentence about his ugliness towards Auggie was very satisfying.  It restored my hope in humanity.

My boys want me to read them Wonder and I've told them that they're a little too young to really get it now.  In May, the school had a bullying program that the children watched.  Child #1 came home and tried out all the bullying techniques he saw on child #3.  Lovely.  Thanks for the how-to, school.  We've talked through it and he gets that bullying is wrong, but I don't want to give him more to try out.  I look forward to reading this book to them and discussing the themes of the book.  Even at their tender ages, they know what bullying is and they know it's bad news.  It's my prayer that they can be strong when a bully comes along and help others be strong as well.