Saturday, August 9, 2014

A new griddle

Today marks 11 years married to my sweet husband.  I liken our relationship right now to a griddle. 

When we married, we received lots of goodies, many of which I barely knew how to use.  If you would have told me 11 years ago I would grill pork chops on a griddle so I could cook 8 at a time, I would have laughed.  I also wouldn't have known how to do it.  Now, I do it without a second thought.

The griddle we received was a basic model and one we registered for.  It made pancakes, French toast, grill cheese and pork chops.  One day I noticed the nonstick had come off.  So, I buttered it well before I would cook something.  Aaron noticed the sad look of the griddle and suggested we replace it.  I looked around and only saw really fancy models that were expensive and way more than I needed.

And then, one day, a shiny new griddle arrived on my doorstep.  He had found the perfect replacement on Amazon for me.  My new one is still a basic model, but it's sleeker and totally comes apart which would make it perfect for camping (provided that we have an electrical outlet). 

Marriage is like our griddle.  We started out with a basic model and were happy with it.  When it came time to update the griddle, we did.  My analogy breaks down a bit in that I didn't get a new husband when the nonstick wore off my old griddle.  But go with me here--the first version of us was good.  We were newlyweds, figuring out how to become one.  During that time, we worked through expectations, miscommunication and conflict resolution.

An example--just this last Christmas I finally figured out why putting out Christmas lights is super important to me and not a priority to Aaron.  Growing up, we always did.  He didn't.  It took 10 years of marriage for me to figure out why I had to nag Aaron every weekend after Thanksgiving to do something that was really important to me.

I've learned a lot about listening, being that I am a gifted talker but not a gifted listener.  I've also learned how to be heard.

Now, we're at a great place together.  The boys aren't a cake walk, but they're much easier than they were.  Aaron has a job he enjoys and is more rested than he was a few years ago.  We have a year of the big boys in school behind us and it went really well.  I have a peace that they're going to be OK academically which was a real concern for us with their premature births.

And I like who I am.  Motherhood has refined me and softened my hard edges.  I'm still a work in progress, but I'm happy with who I am.  And my husband loves me more now than he did 11 years ago.  And I him.

In our wedding, I remember Dr Brown prayed that we would grow to love each other more each passing year.  At the time that seemed an odd thought because the love I felt for him was so big.  Little did I know that love grows in beauty with time.  The moments of silliness when we laugh together.  The serious moments when we open our souls to each other.  The painful moments when he holds me when I cry.  The mundane moments of eating pork chops at family dinner.  The sum of all those parts create something really beautiful and I'm so thankful I get to be a part of it.

Long live marriage!

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